Gay and Catholic, Excursus: The Mudblood Catholic Drinking Game

It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes.1

—St Thomas Aquinas

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The skyline of Toronto

I will be in Canada visiting some friends for the next week, so I probably won’t be curating the blog much, but I decided I’d like to leave you with a drinking game that’s thematically pertinent to my current series.

THE SETUP

To play, you will need:

· At least four players, one each from the four ‘sides,’ A, B, X, and Y (for explanations and examples, see this post). If you cannot get them to sit peaceably in a room together for an hour, threaten them with a handgun.

· One hour’s worth of YouTube or other video footage, divided equally among the four ‘sides.’

· A fifth of whiskey (minimum). You may choose another liquor if you are a giant pussy.

· Four shot glasses.

GAMEPLAY

Start the video(s) and pour each player a shot.

· Side A players must do a shot every time any speaker says ‘celibacy mandate’ or explains the meaning of ἀρσενοκοίτης. If a speaker alludes to the Levitical law against wearing blended fabrics, do two shots. If any speaker compares homosexuality to bestiality, everyone else do a shot.

· Side B players must do a shot every time any speaker brings up the history of friendship or is Dr Wesley Hill. If the speaker makes any kind of joke involving musicals, do two shots. If any speaker uses the phrase ‘the new ex-gay,’ everyone else do a shot.

· Side X players must do a shot every time any speaker uses the words ‘exotic’ and ‘erotic’ in the same sentence or says the phrase ‘father wound.’ If the speaker alludes to NARTH, do two shots. If any speaker states categorically that sexuality is genetic, everyone else do a shot.

· Side Y players must do a shot every time any speaker says ‘same-sex attracted’ or makes a reference to ‘speaking the truth in love.’ If the speaker says ‘the gay agenda’ or an equivalent phrase, do two shots. If any speaker clearly explains the difference between Side Y and Side X, everyone else do a shot.

OBJECT

The last person to die of alcohol poisoning wins.

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1I can’t tell whether this is Sheldonesque unawareness of the nature of humor, or a falsely bland, brilliant meta-troll.